1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
Lee Trevino
Congrats to Jeff (Bedford_golf) and that bugger Cal for finishing ahead of Eatgolf. This league has some great prizes and Jeff won a Taylormade Driver and Cal a Nintendo - some good stuff :)
The league is FREE and hosted by Yahoo Sports. You'll need a yahoo ID, but don't worry it's free too.
Click Here http://golf.fantasysports.yahoo.com/golf then click the orange signup button in the middle of the page type in a fun username
Then click blue "Join Group" link lower center
Then click blue "Join Private Group" link
Then paste in ID#: 17256 and Group password: masters
So, you want to be a professional golfer, huh? Not one of those guys who gives lessons to neophyte septuagenarians and checks pro shop inventories. That's no fun. You want to hit the big time -- private jet, trophy wife, millions in your Cayman bank account.
Sound intriguing?
Well, we've got good news for you. The PGA Tour is hosting its annual job fair in La Quinta, Calif., this week. After some exhaustive research, ESPN.com obtained the Monster.com profile for the 30 available positions of "PGA Tour member" at stake during the Qualifying Tournament:
POSITION DESCRIPTION
Company: PGA Tour
Position: PGA Tour member
The PGA Tour is the world's leading major golf tour. Featuring 46 events for the 2007 season, it's where the top professional golfers ply their craft each week, from January through November. Our organization is continuing to grow and excel. In 2007, we will commence a new lucrative TV contract, and a brand new FedEx Cup format, and ... you know what? We're just going to stop there. Do we really have to sell you on this position? Seriously, what's better than playing golf year-round as your profession? Most people need to take vacations or knock off work early to play this game, but the PGA Tour is offering opportunities to make a career out of playing golf. You're the one who should be selling us, bud.
Job includes travel on a week-to-week basis, but employees in this position may be based in any part of the country. PGA Tour members must observe strict tournament-round and pro-am tee times, but can otherwise forge their own hours. Want to toil until dusk on the practice range like Vijay Singh? Be our guest. Would you rather take the Carlos Franco approach, eschewing the dress rehearsal and simply show up for main act? No problem.
Requirements: Excellent short game required to compete with the world's best professional golfers. Candidate must also hit the ball a long way off the tee, as average tour member driving distance was 289.3 yards in 2006. Better hit it pretty straight, too. And that iron game should be in solid shape. Let's put it this way: "These Guys Are Good" is less a motto than a warning.
Expectations: Those who qualify for the position by finishing in the top 30 (and ties) at Q School automatically retain full PGA Tour status for the entire 2007 season. Players can secure additional extended contracts in various forms. Victories at any of the four major championships or The Players Championship result in a supplementary five-year contract with our organization and a victory at any other PGA Tour event brings a two-year contract. Those who finish in the top 125 on the money list also will retain an additional full one-year contract for the 2008 season, and those who finish 126-150 will receive partial PGA Tour status. We know, it sounds next to impossible to lose your playing privileges once hired to the PGA Tour member position, but it does happen to some players. No worries, though. We hold our Q School after each season, so if you relinquish status, just show up next year and try again.
In addition, all PGA Tour members should be drug-free, especially where performance-enhancing drugs are concerned. Not that any of our players would ever do such a thing. Of course, we don't test for drugs, but we might someday. So, uh, you probably have a few years to get them out of your system.
Salary: None guaranteed, as PGA Tour members work on a pay-per-performance basis. Our top earner commanded a salary of $9,941,563 in 2006, but his name is Tiger Woods and, well, he's really good at this job. You won't make that much. But hey, even a guy named Craig Barlow became a millionaire and he ranked 93rd on our money list, so potential PGA Tour members should hold out plenty of hope.
Benefits: Inclusion into what's been called "the most lucrative pension plan in professional sports." Health insurance. Life insurance. Groupies. (Just kidding, you'll have to find them on your own.) Vacation time is unpaid, but encouraged. We even had a couple of guys this year who earned so much during the season that they didn't bother showing up for our year-end Tour Championship, where even the last-place competitor earns a six-figure paycheck by simply showing up for work. That's right: It's the PGA Tour, where sometimes we can't even give money away!
Expenses: PGA Tour members are required to finance their own travel expenses to and from tournament sites. The company will not pay for your jet fuel, or that of your backup jet, or the six nannies you'll inevitably employ to care for your two children. The tour will, however, provide courtesy cars for its members at each venue, some of which are actually pretty sweet (read: they're not all mundane Buicks). Employees will not be reimbursed for meals, but food is provided in tournament clubhouses, including Cajun cuisine at the New Orleans stop and the best milkshakes you'll ever have at The International. And, really, if it's a free meal you're seeking, just find any equipment rep or PR type on tour; they'll be more than happy to buy you a steak while peddling their wares.
If interested in this position, please be one of the top 30 (and ties) at this week's Qualifying Tournament. In lieu of resumes and references, the PGA Tour requires only a scorecard as evidentiary proof of competence.
One of our favorite golf bloggers Luke Swilor just qualified for q-school. The Pre-Qualifying tournament was held at Cypresswood Golf Club near Houston. 42 Qualifying Positions and ties advance to the First Qualifying Stage of the PGA Tour Q-school. Luke finished Tied for 27th
I noticed on that leaderboard a player from my stomping grounds (Newbury Park, California) (I don't know him). I looked him up on the net and it turns out he has a journey to the PGA tour golf blog too! Check it out Joe Larson on Tour. It's pretty good - he bought a motorhome and spent the last six months on the Hooters Tour. Joe also advanced to the first stage finishing tied for 36th
WHAT PART OF 'GOLF' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
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